Aditya chatterjee's Weblog

BAPU, Yes we all read about him in books. Our grandparents must have seen him. How does people really think of Bapu!! Was he just a politician?

The answer is a mystery. Understanding him is out of my boundary but i can understand one thing that he loved Mother India. He was a person believed in humanity. Even ruthless torture was not enough to move him from his ‘satyagraha’.

वैष्णव जन तो तेने कहिये जे पीड पराई जाणे रे,
पर दु:खे उपकार करे तोये मन अभिमान न आणे रे,
सकल लोकमां सहुने वंदे निंदा न करे केनी रे,
वाच काछ मन निश्चल राखे धन धन जननी तेनी रे,
समदृष्टि ने तृष्णा त्यागी, परस्त्री जेने मात रे,
जिह्वा थकी असत्य न बोले, परधन नव झाले हाथ रे,
मोह माया व्यापे नहि जेने, दृढ़ वैराग्य जेना मनमां रे,
रामनाम सुताली लागी, सकल तीरथ तेना तनमां रे,
वणलॊभी ने कपटरहित जे, काम क्रोध निवार्या रे,
भणे नरसैयॊ तेनु दरसन करतां, कुण एकोतेर तार्या रे ॥

Yes this song describes him quite well. He never made boundary between religion but was assassinated. If that would have not happened today at least some more people would have inspired by Gandhi Ji. All those riots would have been little less horrible. Over the recent few years Mumbai, Gujrat, Ayodha issues has taken a lot of innocent  lives. People don’t think twice before hitting someone else if they are from different religion. Thats what happened every time in India.  Standing at this point if I look back and ask ” Was that a very wrong decesion to separate India based on religion?”.

Yes, the very thought of separated India makes me angry but they had no choice. What happened after that it is bad enough. Bapu was assassinated by a Hindu but that never come across to any ones mind. let us not blame a community for the some personal mistake. Whatever  happening inside India is shame.  I wish people would have learned BAPU a little more..


English translation:

Vaishnav jan to tene kahiye je
One who is a vaishnav
PeeD paraayi jaaNe re
Knows the pain of others
Par-dukhkhe upkaar kare toye
Does good to others, esp. to those ones who are in misery
Man abhimaan na aaNe re
Does not let pride enter his mind
SakaL lok maan sahune vande
A Vaishnav, Tolerates and praises the the entire world
Nindaa na kare keni re
Does not say bad things about anyone
Vaach kaachh man nishchaL raakhe
Keeps his/her words, actions and thoughts pure
Dhan-dhan janani teni re
O Vaishnav, your mother is blessed
Sam-drishti ne trishna tyaagi
A Vaishnav sees everything equally, rejects greed and avarice
Par-stree jene maat re
Considers some one else’s wife/daughter as his mother
Jivha thaki asatya na bole
The toungue may get tired, but will never speak lies
Par-dhan nav jhaalee haath re
Does not even touch someone else’s property
Moh-maaya vyaape nahi jene
A Vaishnav does not succumb to worldly attachments
DriDh vairaagya jena man maan re
Who has devoted himself to stauch detachment to worldly
Ram naam shoon taaLi laagi
Who has been edicted to the elixir coming by the name of Ram
SakaL tirath tena tan maan re
For whom all the religious sites are in the mind
VaN-lobhi ne kapaT-rahit chhe
Who has no greed and deciet
Kaam-krodh nivaarya re
Who has renounced lust of all types and anger
BhaNe Narsaiyyo tenun darshan karta
The poet Narsi will like to see such a person
KuL ekoter taarya re
By who’s virtue, the entire family gets salvation



Can we really forget our first love?? I don’t know people might say that yes, it would be better option. I some times also believed the same. But how I can forget the first love…

We broke up back in 2008, April. I last saw him back in Feb, 2008. After that till today I haven’t seen him don’t know whether I can see him ever or not. Our love story started over phone and also got over phone. Isn’t a very sweet thing? He completely took himself out of my life. No phone call, no mail nothing for almost a very long time. It the same year, 2008. His birthday was on Sep, 18th. I called him to wish him in spite of every thing. He was asleep, didn’t recognize my voice. But I wished him holding my tears back. We never came back to the same form of talking. Some times just calls that also only when needed. ‘Hi’, ‘Hello’ and then the subject, nothing more than that. When we broke up he promised me that he will never see me if I ever try to talk about relationship. So I never talked about our past. It was unspoken. I was trying to move on. Didn’t know whether one year was enough or not.

Back in March, 2009 I met Prakash.  I liked him as well. I fell in love with him. We became committed to each other in a relationship. A new love story started in my life. A fresh beginning.

Every thing was fine but one day some time in 2010 I talked to Prasanth. Didn’t know what happen to me I got emotional. I told him that though I was not allowed to say him that I loved him. But I told him that I still respected him by the same way and I would still count myself as his well wisher. I told him till this date whenever I think about first love he comes in my mind. I didn’t know whether he was shocked or surprised. He told, “Yes, Even when ever I think about love you come in my mind. I told everyone about you. I know there is no point saying sorry for what ever I did to you.”  I was speechless. I was waiting for those words from him for a long time and today he is saying. I told him that it was too late for that sorry.

I told him it was too late but inside I was happy because he missed me. He realized that I loved him, loved a lot. Whenever Prakash and me talked about my previous love life he used to ask me, “Would you accept him if he comes back”. I always used to reply ‘NO’ with a great ease but why I am feeling for it? Why? What is past, what no more exists or should not exist? Why? Why I am thinking?

At last I Closed my eyes to realize things around me….

I saw myself back in 2008. I was searching for new job with my broken heart. Nothing was going fine. Every thing was just messed up. I also behaved like walking and talking Zombie. Prasanth Stopped talking to me. He even shut me out of his life. Never received my call. I went to CMC .Thought of moving on but still was unable. All the songs that I used to listen brought back my tears…2008 passed…started 209 and it started with new hope..2009 March. Got new life… 2010…things are fine. Then all of sudden saw Prasanth as if he is asking me to come back in his life.

I saw Prakash too. When I needed some one Prakash came and stood by me. He gave me his love. Made me close to his family. Whatever Prasanth was unable to give me everything Prakash gave. I might sound selfish but I am not comparing them. Now I can’t leave him. I can’t let the same thing happened with Prakash what I faced. I can’t become Prasanth. I am who I am with all my emotions alive.

I opened my eyes. Realized that the phone is ringing. Took the phone in my hand. Saw Prakash and my self. My realization came into life. I never thought that moving on would be that tough but at least now am sure that I am ready to move on and rather I have already moved on. It was just a rush of my emotions. That was my past and I am going to make peace with my past.

I love you…. Will love you forever……

Aditya, what you think, haven’t I done the justice with my past. I know you would understand. Thanks for listening…

Your Friend.

This is regarding my experience while traveling in train. It was festive season and I was going to kolkata from Chennai. The reserved compartment was full of passengers. I am not going to give more importance on the train but am going to say some thing what happened inside the train. Yes, I am talking about the child beggar.  Well, may be I can call it as child labor as well as child begging.

Two kids of around 12 & 9 got in the train from some where of Andhra Pradesh. They were in rags. The smaller one was standing and the elder one was on his knees. The smaller one started to beg for money while the elder one stated cleaning the train floor. People showed their ignorance and rough behavior.  There were some people who gave them money. I was wondering if any way I could help those kids. There are so many organizations available that take care poor children. Before I could do any thing they moved on to another compartment. Now the question is what I should have done?

Being a not so active member of a NGO, I should have taken the initiative but then I was on my way back home. I was in a region where people don’t speak my language. My broken Telegu can’t be enough. I did nothing to help them but I didn’t encourage them to clean the floor. We always speak against child labor but in some other way we encourage them. Let’s take the example of other passengers in my compartment.

There was a couple with a 10 year old boy. How they would felt if someone has showed pity on their son? But that didn’t stop them to show pity on those kids. They gave some thing around a rupee to kid and continued their work. I bet, they never bothered about those kids otherwise why that one rupee? If the couple felt for that boy they could have given at least 50 rupees to the boy for his lunch or dinner. NO, they didn’t because they didn’t bother. Then why this encouragement?

Let’s talk about another passenger who was of his mid thirty accepted that he can’t see children begging! This guy felt emotional and gave some five rupee to those kids. I do respect others emotions but if he was that much touched by child labor then he should not encouraged it. Rather giving money to the kids he could have helped any children home.

More over behind the screen of child begging there would be none other than those kids’ relatives. Unless we change it from the root level nothing is going to change. More over we need to stop encouraging the begging. Hopefully things will change soon.

We all know what love is. Moreover thanks to movies and all the authors who described love. I also have seen love but never realized the outcome of the chemical reaction between love and religion. Religious believe is a week point of human being and Love is also a very strong emotion. If any one can work on them then it might become a very strong bond. It’s really happening in Akash’s life.

Akash being a son of a conservative Hindu Brahmin family learnt to accept others. This acceptance was not new but recently the same acceptance has channeled his life in a fresh stream. Back in 2009, during lent he met David who is from Christian family. They both liked each other and thought of taking things seriously. It was Easter day when they proposed each other. For them lent and Easter became a real occasion to celebrate life, hope and blessings. .

They have also accepted each others religion. When David was leaving India for his higher study Akash gave a sacred coin to him which his mom got from Mathura (a very sacred place for Hindu). David also gave his cross to Akash. Their prayer was heard.

Standing in the month of Feb they are planning to celebrate their one year Anniversary. Akash never thought of celebrating Easter like any other Christian.  David has also visited temples with him. This Year David is following his Lents routine and Akash is wearing the cross which David used to wear.

It’s wonderful to see people crossing their religious limit and falling in love. It’s only love which can dissolve all the fake barriers. They haven’t converted themselves. Staying in their own religions they respect each other. Right now they belong to the greatest religion, Humanity which taught them to love.

They don’t know what time has written for them but right now they are hopeful about their future. They have started planning for it. Without crossing their own religions they have accepted each other only because of love. They are happily in love. I guess this is the outcome of the chemical reaction.

Isn’t It?

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Few days back at work my colleague Maya (I promised her not to take the real name) described me that she encountered some supernatural activity at her home. Her house is somewhere outskirt of Chennai surrounded by coconut trees. As it’s outskirt so there would be enough distance between two houses.

She is from a Hindu family and conservative too. At her home everyone agreed that they have heard some anklets sound sometime at night. They also told that the anklet sound will stop exactly near the window. In spite of the sound they still have not faced any other big problems till the last Saturday.

On this Saturday night she was sleeping in her room next to the window. Her sister was also sleeping with her. It was almost night 2 AM when she woke up by the anklets sound. She was scared to death. Maya closed her eyes and started praying. Once she started praying she felt someone is pulling her bed sheet towards the closed window. Immediately after that she felt that some force started coming up from her leg and came up to her neck. The force started to press her neck. She started to pray loudly and once the force became little light she just got up from her bed and ran to the other room.

I am not going to judge whether ghost is real or not. I am trying to see whether her experience matches with any psychological explanation or not. Some points I got from her like,

*At her home everybody believes about the anklets sound which proves that they have already built a strong believes about it. They also explained that the sound would be not so irregular. So is it only their unconscious mind or kind of imagination?

*She agreed that this was not the first time for such an incident. She already felt the same earlier but that was long ago but then she felt it as dream. She might have dreamed this time as well and her unconscious mind made her believe that it was true. May be it was a basic fear which turned into imagination or rather hallucination.

*That night she had vegetable for dinner. If there was a problem in digestion then she might have felt pressure on the chest because of gastric issue.

* She tried to wake up her sister up but she was not able to. As a reason I can say that both were sleeping in different bed.

* The sound of anklet, may it was because of wind.

Once again I am not going to judge about the existence of ghost. I am trying to judge what exactly Maya felt was that real or was that her unconscious mind? She told that everything was real.

What you guys think??

18th December, 2007


Today we might be far away from each other but still my heart beats for you. It’s you and only you who ever let me think about myself. Whenever I saw you I thought what I should do so that you can think of me. I know the time has gone. Now you belong to someone else but my heart doesn’t want to accept the truth. Today is the day when everyone is celebrating but I am in tears. I am not able to celebrate it.

Do you remember all those days I spent with you? May be not as a perfect lover but I tried to be there as your friend.

Do you remember all those afternoons we spent together while talking? Those were very special moments for me. I tried to get your complete attention. It was only you and me. Walking alone on the way. The scorching sun or flooding rain was just a reason to come under the single umbrella. Those days I left my umbrella at home. I believed that you would be there to bring the umbrella.

Do you remember all those college festivals? Those were wonderful moments. You were the most gorgeous girl. You looked at me avoiding hundred eyes those were waiting for your one single signal. I felt so lucky and thankful to GOD. I was almost at cloud nine when you came and hold my hand in front of every one.

Do you remember all those puja celebrations? The city of Joy looked more joyful when you were with me. We went to different places sometimes alone sometimes with other friends but all along enjoyed your company, all those giggling.  I never realized what all mighty wanted but everything got clear after you came to my life.

I never knew how much I loved you but I knew that it would be tough without you. Today after the college life when you have decided to live your life with someone else I got nothing to live with. I feel like I lost my life. Life is funny. Isn’t it? Now I have good job and prospect for my life but I lost the hope of my life. Tell me what should I do?? Should I go and attain your marriage or should I just forget the fact? I know I was your best friend in college days and we also had a very good chemistry but right now how I can be your friend? I loved you and I told you also. I wanted to live the same day in my life having you beside me.

I can’t cry because that will bring bad luck in your new life. I can’t celebrate the day because that will lead me to suffocation of death. I thought of killing myself but I am not so brave to leave my parents. But I am going. I am going far away from you. When you’ll get the letter I’ll be thousand miles away from you. I have decided to delete all my email address. Let me live a life where I have your memories. I love you, love you like a mad dog. Leaving you to your beloved husband who never can take my place. But still wishing you for your new life. Hope we will meet some where…………….

Just one request… Don’t forget me………..

Your Friend…..

Sudhir                   “

It was the next day morning of her marriage when the letter came to Sujata’s hand. The new morning in her new life but today somehow she’s not happy. She can’t hold her tears and can’t cry too. Her friend gave the letter to her and also gave the news that Sudhir is no more. Last night while going to the airport he met with an accident and died at the hospital. Sujata doesn’t know whether it is an accident or suicide. Sudhir was way beyond her understanding all along and he’ll be..

Life has given her a lot of experiences and today she is lost


Posted on: February 5, 2010

People make rules for their own benefits. Those rules are not supposed to be followed. Let me take you through those rules. Right now I have a few one. Hopefully I can get some more rules.

Our first rule created by Mr X . A 28 years old an Indian guy who claims to be bisexual. His rule was about commitment. He told that he was sexually committed to someone. In India no one must have ever heard that there can be a sexual commitment. According to him, he was not in love but in making love, no commitments just for sexual heal. When he was asked whether he would accept the offer from someone else to sleep with him, his reply was also different. He said no for any unknown person but for someone known to him, he might say yes. He also mentioned the feeling factor. So one of his friend suppose Y who was familiar to X asked for sex. The reply from X was,”I am not mentally ready for that now. If my animal brain kicks me and u badly needs me. So answer is completely situation dependent”.  A big question mark appeared when X used the word animal part of his brain. As a justification of his animal part of brain X explained that he needed it without any human values just like an animal.

Here X was completely confused and also mixed his ‘feelings’ and ‘kick of the animal part of his brain’. He ended up saying that everything depends on his mood, his decision and the consequence

So here goes the rule (not suppose to follow) number 1 : You can also be sexually committed without the mental commitment.

Our next rule is for Limitation. Mr A and Mr. K are friends as well as gay. They know each other for very short span of time. Mr. A is committed in relationship with someone else and K agreed with that. At the beginning K told that he will remember his limitations and they will remain as normal friends. Here the rule comes.

Once both met  at some common place and K gave a ride to A back to his home. On the way it was cold and the road was empty.  A could have hugged K from back but he didn’t he just crossed his arms around his chest to warm himself up. After reaching to A’s house K just left for the day.

After a few days during conversation K told to A that he should have hugged K from back to keep them warm. The conversation started and went on. In between K expressed that he believes in open relationship. K told to A that he would like to hug and Kiss A while staying within the limit. So what exactly K thought the limit was. He wanted to hug and kiss his friend some where alone. Wasn’t that crossing the limitation? K might have thought of giving a try by kissing his friend or may be he wanted something else by just increasing the limit.

In mathematics limit is without any limitation and we have taken that literally. We can change or increase our limit when we want

So here goes the rule(not suppose to follow) number 2: To do what you are not supposed to, you can always increase your limit.

I was listening these musics from 7G rainbow colony , a tamil movie.  I searched almost all over the web but i didn’t get the  English meaning of these songs. At last a very special person of mine translated the lyrics. Now I am going to post the English meaning of the song for  them who love music.

K K and Shreya Goshal sang these songs. The male version seems like asking questions to the female part where as the female version is answering the questions and she blamed to her fate. Never heard such a beautiful music. Hats Off to the lyrics and the music directer.

Here goes the meaning…

Male Version

ninaithu ninaithu paarthaenI thought over & over again

nerungi vilagi nadandhaenI kept walking close & far

unnaal dhaanae naanae vaazhgiRaen ohI am living because of you alone

unnil indru ennai paarkkiRaenNow I see myself in you

eduthu padithu mudikkum munnae

eriyum kadidham edhaRku peNNae? }

Why do I need a letter that burns before I take it and read my girl?

unnaal dhaanae naanae vaazhgiRaen ohI am living because of you alone

unnil indru ennai paarkkiRaenNow I see myself in you


amarndhu paesum marangaLin nizhalum

unnai kaetkum eppadi solvaen }The shadows of the tree where we sit & talk will ask for you, what would I say?

udhirndhu poana malarin mounama?Will it be the silence of a withered flower?

thoodhu paesum kolusin oliyai

aRaigaL kaetkum eppadi solvaen? } The rooms will ask for the messenger that was the sound of your anklets, what would I say?

udaindhu poana vaLaiyal paesuma?Will a broken bangle speak?

uLLangaiyial veppam saerkkum

viralgaL indru engae? }Where are the fingers that warm up the palm of my hand?

thoaLil saayndhu kadhaigaL paesa }

mugamum illai ingae }– There’s no face to talk to here while I rest my head on shoulders…

mudhal kanavu mudinthidum munnamae}

thookkam kalaindhadhey  }– Before the first dream ended, my sleep was gone…

(ninaithu ninaithu…)

paesi poana vaarthaigaL ellaamThe words that you spoke & went

kaalam dhoaRum kaadhinil kaetkum – will keep ringing in my ears for all times

saambal kaRaiyum vaarthai kaRaiyuma? – Ashes may dissolve, would words dissolve?

paarthu poana paarvaigaL ellaamThe looks that you gave and went

pagalum iravum kaeLvigaL kaetkumkeeps questioning me day & night

uyirum poagum uruvam poaguma? Life may leave, does the shape leave?

thodarndhu vandha nizhalgaL ingae– Here’s the shadows that followed me

theeyil saerndhu poagum joining with fire

thiruttu poana thadayam paarthum }

nambavillai naanum  } Even after inspecting the evidence of theft, I refused to believe

oru tharuNam edhirinil thoandruvaay

endrae vaazhgiRaen naanum….  }I am living in the belief that you will appear momentarily in front of me.

Female Version

ninaithu ninaithu paarthal – If you keep thinking repeatedly

nerungi arugil varuven – I will come closer

unnaal dhaanae naanae vaazhgiRaen oh – I am living because of you alone

unnil indru ennai paarkkiRaen – Now I see myself in you

eduthu padithu mudikkum munnae

eriyum kadidham unakku thanthaen } I’ll give you a letter that’ll burn before you take it and read it

unnaal dhaanae naanae vaazhgiRaen oh – I am living because of you alone

unnil indru ennai paarkkiRaen – Now I see myself in you


amarndhu paesum marangaLin nizhalum

Namadhu kadhayai kaalamum sollum    }The shadows of the trees under which we sit and talk will tell our story for ages.

Udhirnthu pona malarin vaasamo? – Is it the fragrance of a withered flower?

Thoothu pesum kolusin oliyai

Araigal muluthum aandugal sollum }The rooms will talk about the messenger that was my anklet’s sounds for years to come

Udainthu pona valayalin banthamo? – Is it the bond of a broken bangle?

Ullangayil veppan saerkum viralgal unthan kayil – Yours are the fingers that bring warmth to my palm

Tholil sainthu kadhaigal paesa namathu vidhiyil illai – our fates does not allow us to speak leaning on each other’s shoulder

Muthal kanavu pothumey kadhala – enough of your first dream love

Kangal thiranthidu… – open your eyes

(ninaithu ninaithu…)

paesi poana vaarthaigaL ellaam

Unathu paechil kalanthey irukkum }- All those spoken words will remain in your speech

Ulagam aliyum uruvam aliyuma? – the world might get destroyed but the shape doesn’t

paarthu poana paarvaigaL ellaam

pagalum iravum unnudan irukkum  }- All the looks that I left behind will remain with you through day and night

Unathu vizhigal ennai marakkuma? – Will your eyes forget me?

thodarndhu vandha nizhalin bimbam }

Vandhu vandhu pogum…    }– The shadow that kept following keeps coming & going

thiruttu poana thadayam irunthum }

Thirumbi varuven naanum   }– Even if the evidence suggest theft, I will return

Oru tharunam ennada kadhala

Unnul vaalgiraen   }– What’s there in a moment while I live within you my love.

Some love stories never end. People may get separated but some where down the heart love may remain the same way.

But all the love stories are not same. Some where people just forced themselves to believe that the story is over.

The same thing happened for them also. It was some where between April. Akash and Prasanth were fine. Both trying together to shift together. But One day some thing happened. Prasanth told to Akash that he would not be able to stay with Prasanth after the adoption. Akash was stuck. He asked the reason. Prasanth told the reason is not other than the Indian society. Akash tried to have a discussion but Prasanth was not eager to play with a kid’s life.

For Prasanth kid was the first choice and for Akash Prasanth became the first choice. Akash never wanted to loose Prasanth. Prasanth was also helpless. Adopting a kid was his aim in life and being a man of substance he never wanted to change the aim of his own life.

After three days discussions Akash agreed with Prasanth. Akash agreed to stay in the same building but may be not in the same apartment. But it was too late for him. Prasanth saw a crack some where in between the relation.

The same day night Prasanth told Akash that things were not working and he wanted to stop that right now.

It was a stormy night for Akash. The next day morning came with emptiness. Some thing was not there. Some thing was missing. That some thing was none other than Prasanth. His fortune gave him a new on the same day.  Akash won his professional battle and lost his love.

Prasanth even stopped talking to Akash. Akash was into pieces.  They thanked GOD for creating some relationship like ‘friendship’. Prasanth told one of Akash’s friend about all of this. The friend was helpless too. Took no other sides. Just came and stood beside Akash.

Akash became lonely again. Such is life. To make other’s happy they both let their happiness go. They had to for the society for the kid for each other.

The story ended in the month of April. They never saw each other. They called each other but that was kind of formality. Slowly the formality also went off some where.

Till today they remember each other by some songs, some special moments spent with each other. They are none for each other now.

Akash was in his home town celebrating the New Year with his parents and Prasanth was there in his city with his friends. On that New Year they again promised themselves to stay together.

The year was 2008 and let me call this part as” Lagging Behind”

After the New Year celebration both of them came back to their own cities. They were busy in their work.

Prasanth had a dream to adopt a kid. Akash was quite happy about it. Things were going on it’s own way. Akash was getting busy in his work and Prasanth was also getting the same amount of busy at his work.

It was mid Feb when Prasanth went for another counseling to adopt the kid. But unfortunately according to the Indian rule Prasanth had to be 30Years to adopt a kid. So Prasanth was again disappointed. As I told it was Prasanth’s dream to adopt the kid. Akash was supportive but some where in his mind he was afraid to loose Prasanth. Akash wanted the kid also but he was thinking about some more time. Yeah, Prasanth said that next year that means in 2009 Prasanth would get the chance to adopt the kid.

Akash was happy all over but a bit scared. Akash wanted to stay with Prasanth at any cost. There’s nothing more than this Akash ever wanted. Another big incident happened in Prasanth’s life. All of a sudden he got depressed with all the adoption matter. More over one of his close friend was also leaving India. So all the things together made him sadder. And he had to visit the same psychiatrist again. This time for counseling of depression. Prasanth had to be under tough medication for some two or three weeks. All along Akash wanted to visit Prasanth , but Prasanth was rejected Akash’s plan to visit him. At last being such kind of desperate Akash went to Prasanth’s home. After three months Akash met Prasanth when Prasanth was in that condition. Akash decided not be weak in front of Prasanth. He hid all his tears. Prasanth didn’t see any tears in Akash’s eyes. But Akash wanted Prasanth to see his heart where he was crying a lot…Poor Prasanth, he also thought of hugging Akash and also wanted to share his own thought But Prasanth also didn’t speak his mind. So many words were there unspoken. Some where they were lagging behind

It was the month of March and that’s the last time Akash saw Prasanth. Till today Akash haven’t seen him again.

Let me call this part as,” The Distance”

Have you ever heard anyone saying that,” Distance relationship never works!!!” I heard that well, guess what at this part Akash and Prasanth felt the distance but that doesn’t mean that they left the relation there for the distance. Rather they tried to over come the distance. Yes, At this point of time I can feel that both of them really tried to over ocome the distance. May be they did it…

As I told you that this month of Dec was there only for distance. Akash was in his city busy with his work but again missing Prasanth in his heart and Prasanth. Prasanth was also too busy at his work. Both were trying to change the job. Prasanth was searching the job in his Own City where as Akash was searching the job in Prasanth’s city.

It was almost a few weeks that both had seen each other. But as I told you Prasanth was also quite strong about his word. He told Akash,” As long as I am not getting any job I’ll try not to meet you. I know it’ll be tough for me. And I even know that I will go to your city to see you. So at least for seeing you I have to get a job as soon as possible”.

Akash was partly happy about his boyfriend and party scared about the distance. As I told you He was also trying for job in Prasanth’s city. So Akash also tried to get some interview. But unfortunately he was not getting any interview and Prasanth was not getting a proper chance to change his job.

Both were missing each other. But they tried to over come the distance. Both of them had a teddy bear. Those two were also a pair and they named it according to their loves name. Akash used to call his bear as “Prasanth”. More over they thanked GOD for all those.”G talk”, mobile system and all those stuffs… They tried to make their mind.

But at last Akash was unable to hold his emotion. He insisted to visit Prasanth’s place at the end of the dec. As ‘Akash’ insisted so Prasanth didn’t say anything him about it. After almost a whole month Akash and Prasanth were together. It was a great pleasure for both of them.

Akash was there for a week end and at the end of the week end Prasanth was also suppose to visit his home town which was near by Akash’s city. So Prasanth and Akash started together. Though it was not the first time but it was nice journey. Prasanth told some very practical stuff to ‘Akash’. A very rude practical stuff…

,”Hy. How serious you are about your job? See I know that may be you are serious about your job but that seriousness is not enough. What will happen if in future this Prasanth is not there in your life then on whom you’ll depend. Aakash be on yourself. Don’t you know about your responsibilities! I know you love me and even you also know that am mad about you. But still be on yourself sweetheart so that in future you never had to regret” Aakash heard all but never replied back. He started to think about it. Yes, some where Prasanth was correct. May be Akash was giving more attention to Prasanth more than his job. Aakash decided that he had to follow Prasanth’s word.

Akash was happy for his boy friend who was such a wise and caring. It was the last journey that Akash made with Prasanth after this journey they saw each other only once after 2 months back. But they never knew what is going to happen, what is there in their luck?

Akash and Prasanth both were so hopeful about the positive turn in life… Akash too continued his search about his fiancé’s ring…

‘Akash’ also planned to visit his home and at the end of dec Akash left for his home. He planned to celebrate his Christmas and New Year eve at his home with his parents…

This part we can call as “Planning for the future”

It was November. Things were so good. It was a festive season more over Prasanth’s elder bro was also going to get married. So Prasanth was really happy about it. It was a love marriage first in their family. After a tough round of conversation every one accepted about the marriage.

Prasanth was dreaming about such kind of marriage. But at that stage being some where in south India may be it was not possible. But still he had a dream. They both basically started dreaming about it. They thought may be not the marriage but why not at least the engagement.

It was so charming for Akash too. ‘Akash’ let all his friends know about it. His friends also supported him. Now that was time to select a nice ring for his fiancé.

Prasanth was ahead of every thing. He already got a nice ring and showed to Akash saying that, ”Hy.. see this ring. It’s gonna be yours soon”

Akash,” I’ll be so happy”

Prasanth,”So where’s mine. When u r going to get it?”

Akash,”Yesterday I went for that but none of them was good. Let me search for it. After all it’s for you and I want the best one…”

Things looked like as if they were in dream. All the friends are so supporting and more over Prasanth and Akash were so happy about the marriage at home.

Akash was invited to Prasanth’s bro’s marriage. Prasanth was definitely a good host. He gave all the comfort to Akash. The evening was the reception and next day morning was the marriage. Akash went there in the evening. Prasanth introduced him with all his family members and took a real good care of Akash. Even that night they stayed together where Akash was staying.

Even in the mean time Prasanth also came out to his bor. It was a great deal for Prasanth as his bro was very close to him. Akash supported him completely.

Prasanth’s bro was a doc. He accepted his bro completely but he wanted to be very sure about Prasanth. So he asked Prasanth to talk to a phyciatrist . Prasanth asked why he needed to talk to a phyciatrist? His bro was very clear.

He told, ”Prasanth, I know may be you are thinking that I didn’t accept it. But I have accepted it. And to be very sure about yourself I’m asking you to talk to the phyciatrist. He/She can help you to understand better”

Prasanth agreed with this He told to Akash about the counseling. Akashs usual Akash was beside him. Akash asked whether he need to be there at the counseling time or not. Prasanth was not very sure and told that he would let him know about this plan. Prasanth was sure that Doc will understand him very well. And More over Prasanth was not that weak person he loved Akash with his all heart.

 Lucky Akash.. Isn’t??   With all these hopes Nov ended.

I can call this part as “Understanding Each other..”

Then came the month of Oct. The month of celebration. Unfortunately Akash.. didn’t get leaves to visit his home. So planned to spent the festive season with his boy friend. It was actually a good thought. Prasanth.. was too happy cos Akash.. was going to stay with him for those days.

It was not the first visit for Akash.. to that new city. He was there before too with Prasanth.. but this time the things were different. He was planning to move to this city. They both we unable to stay away from each other.

As it was a festive season. So Prasanth.. also had some  programs at his own office. More over Prasanth.. took Akash to his office and introduced him with all his colleagues as his Boy Friend.  All of his friends were open minded. All of them accepted Prasanth..  &  Akash.. It was a nice time. They were happy too.

Even Akash.. introduced Prasanth.. to his friends as his Boy Friend. Things were going so Fine.

They went to  different places together. They even visited The Book-Fair. At the same time they had to attain some marriage reception. Prasanth.. told  Akash..  earlier. So Akash..  was prepared. but the same day morning they went to that book-fair. So they got  a bit late.

While coming back to home they had to cross Prasanth’s Office. There at Prasanth’s Office all the people told that the marriage hall was quite far away and Prasanth.. should follow them.  Prasanth And Akash was dressed in a very casual manner. So Prasanth knew and  he asked Akash  whether he wants to change or not. Akash told as the place is far away so they should move.

So Both of them started for the marriage. There in the marriage hall Akash.. found that He is looking totally  out of the crowd Because of his very sporty outfit.  But Prasanth.. was  Ok with whatever he was wearing. Akash.. told Prasanth.. that He would not be able to go inside with this Out fit.. Poor Akash.. may be he had some complex  probs. Prasanth.. Understood Akash.. very well. Even Prasanth.. didn’t pressurize him. But Akash.. went inside and sat some where in the corner till Prasanth.. finish his part of duties to wish the new couple. Once he was done He came back to Akash..; Prasanth’s friends were asking him to join the dinner. But as Akash.. was not felling well so Prasanth.. ignored their invitation. Prasanth.. and Akash.. went out and stayed in the car.

Akash was sad  cos for him Prasanth.. was not able to enjoy his colleague’s marriage but again Akash.. was happy that Prasanth.. understood his thought. They were waiting for some one to come and show him the way out this place. one senior colleague of Prasanth.. came  and drover with them. Prasanth requested His colleague to have some thing with them as they had to take dinner. His colleague accepted with that. At the dinner table Prasanth.. told his colleague about Akash..

He told , “You know, me and Akash are trying to move together. He is trying to get a job over here. Once he get a job here we will move together.”

But his colleague completely refused this relation at the dinner table itself… Both of them (Prasanth and Akash) were against of their colleague’s opinion. They tried to forget it.. But some where it hurt..

The depth between their relation grown more.

As I told in the earlier post that there was problem, so it’s time to reveal the problem. One of Akash’s friend never liked Prasanth.. As Prasanth.. Was not such good looking so Akash’s friend didn’t like him. But Akash.. was against of his friend. Akash told, ”For you he may the ugliest but for me he is beautiful cos I have seen his heart. Such a beautiful heart I have never seen.”

Akash..’s friend fought with him and as a result they almost stopped talking to Akash… But Akash.. had no regrets. He was happy with his guy.

Another month also got over. Both were close to each other by this time now. Trying to understand each other. Prasanth.. promised that coming month he would be there at Akash..’s place on Akash..’s birth day.

Akash.. was really happy to get such a boyfriend…


A love story sounds very common. But all stories are not same . The story I am going to tell it is king of different. This is not a very same love story , a bit different. Story of Prasant and Akash. A story which got over by seven months.

This story lies in few section. The first section is Flirting section.

Before I go ahead and start the story let me give you a short intro about the characters. Prasant and Akash were staying in two different cities but those two cities were quite adjacent to each other. Even they were also from different states. Prasant belonged to a south Indian family and Akash belonged to a Kashmiri family. Totally different culture. but they came to know each other. Difference attracts, the same way they both got attracted to each other looking at their differences. Prasant was bit older than Akash. Prasant was around 28 and Akash, 23

The similarities were both living out of family. Both were sure about themselves. Both were emotional. Lets start the story now..


Prasant came to know about Akash through some of his friend. They started to talk to each other. Prasant asked Akash to come online so that both can chat for some time. Akash came on line. They started chatting. Different topics, as if like it was a never ending conversation. ( I am going to call Prasant as P.. and Akash as A..) A. liked him. But he was scared about P’s feeling. They started to talk. It was 22nd Sep when the most delightful incident happened. A.. went online and P.. was there also. They Stated to talk about love , relationship.

All of a sudden P.. asked ,”Hey A.. in your orkut I saw that it is written as Open. So are you in some relationship ”

Akash ,”No I’m not. But my friend told to keep it as open.”

Prasanth ,”So when you are going to change it as Committed ”

Akash ,”Yeah. Will change it very soon..”

Prasanth ,”Cool!! That means you are looking someone!!”

Akash ,”No not such…”

Prasanth ,”Then why you’ll change and when??”

Akash ,”Why you are so interested about that??”

Prasanth ,”No just like that”

Akash ,”Well will change the relationship status once you say”

Prasanth…,”Then go ahead and change”

Akash ,”Are you sure what are you talking about! I mean changing some thing on net is not a big deal but the thing you are telling now is completely different”

Prasanth.. ,”After being completely sure only I’m asking you to change”

Akash., “Cool!! I’ll change it”

This was Prasanth.., proposed to Akash.. and Akash.. also accepted. Akash.. was happy cos he liked Prasanth.. from the Day one but he never told him any thing about his feelings. When Prasanth.. told him to change the status Akash.. just thought it’s God’s grace because he got Prasanth..

But there’s some thing in between. Some Of Akash’s friends didn’t like Prasanth.. Yes, Prasanth.. was not so much good looking But Akash.. felt Prasanth’s heart and even Prasanth.. liked Akash.. a lot. So their chemistry worked a lot. I’ll tell you the problematic part in the next session.

Till the end of Sep they came very close to each other. Every time sticking to the phone. They were happy. Happy to be with each other.

Akash.. invited Prasanth.. to visit his city so that Akash.. can also See Prasanth.. ; Prasanth.. promised that he would come to visit Akash..’s city. But unfortunately Prasanth.. was unable to visit Akash..’s Place so he invited Akash.. back to his own city. As I said Akash.. was waiting to see Prasanth.. So Akash.. agreed to go to Prasanth..’s place which was in the other city. Both of them had a nice time in the other city.

The month of September ended giving them more hopes in heart. Both of them started to dream about staying together…….. let’s C what October was going to give them in the name of fate!!!




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Who doesn’t wanna see dreams but how it would be if you dream about your own death!!!

It was a sunny day. Everything was so beautiful around me. I got in my car and asked my driver for somewhere. He was about to start the car but before that three small kids get into the car. I was about to open the door but they didn’t wait. They almost jumped into the car from the window. I knew them, they were all dear one. We all took the back seat. Every one was giggling. I asked them to keep quite cos my driver was looking back frequently. So we started a nice journey. We were singing songs

All of sudden my driver told me some thing. We were shouting so much that I didn’t get him clearly. I asked him to repeat. He turned his head and told me some thing. But before he say thing I saw in front of our car a track was standing and we were almost at 100KMhour. I lost my words. But some how my driver understood what exactly it was. When he looked in front we were a few yards away from the track. I understood nothing can be done. I closed my eyes holding my kids hands.

The very next moment when I opened my eyes I saw that we have crossed that track with out any pain or any scratch on us. So shocked we were. My driver looked at my face. He had no expression on his face. I looked back; saw the big track was standing there without moving an Inch.

I asked my driver to go back and check what exactly happened. He didn’t move at all but I forced him to go back and check the track. Before he start the car People came out from the near by places. All of them were shocked for some thing. Kids were holding my hand tight. I came out of the car and walked back to track to see what happened. Let the kids stay in the car. I was shocked when I saw one car is crashed with the track. Tried to recognize the car. I saw nothing other than the number plate.

An Ambulance rushed to the place and started their work. So I was dead now. I knew. But then how was walking!! Came back to my car. All were looking at me.. I was about to say something…my throat was blocked… some uncertain feelings….

With pain in my throat I opened my eyes……… It was morning 5.30AM.

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Posted on: August 29, 2008

Subho, yes… this is a bengali name and the name of my friend. My friend subho, today i meet  him first time at the  central station and today he told me not to come back in his life.  No, No don’t blame him. let me tell you the story first. It might not be very interesting story  but I felt this. So , ready to listen my story………  Good..Here it is…

Subhankor, it is his  good name. i  mean  we  his friends call him as Subho. A very sweet, caring guy. A perfect bengali guy who loves to eat a lot. He has finished his graduation and going for his masters. I know him through a web site. I saw him long back had a small crush for him. Liked to talk to him but again never got the courage. One day got the courage and pinged him say “Hi….”. I got the reply. I understood one nice guy is there behind the glass. Yes he has a glass. So we started talking.  But all of sudden subho deleted his profile from the web site. Though we started to talk but we never exchanged the number. And i never knew how to find him.. Fortunately one day he came back in that same web site and him pinged me first saying,”Hai…  there remember me. Am Subho…”. I was happy to get him back. This  time we started to talk to him. Trust me i was happy. Felt that some one special is there for me some where. I felt good.

One subho told me that he is coming to chennai. I was happy to know that. then he explained me that actually he is coming from kolkata and going to manipal for his masters. He is going to change his train fromchennai central. I told him fine i will meet  you there at chennai central station. he agreed with that. We don’t know  what happened after that. Subho started to come near by . At last he touched my heart. I was scared. Never wanted to loose him. it is not first time for me. few people came in my life and they have already left me. So the first thing i asked him is time. I asked some time from my subho. I told him,”It’s good  to hear that subho u love  me. Even i also like you. But give me some time. I have only seen your  photo.let me see the 3-D subho. Then i will tell you every thing. But  subho, I like you.. really  like you…”

After that we were keep on talking on phone. He has already proposed me. I didn’t reply him back. But in my mind i accepted the proposal. I introduced him to my college mates. I told about him to my friends. Some one said he must be crazy, it must be infatuation. I don’t know what was that. I know that he loved me. He loved me with his heart. He suppose to be at chennai central on 28th August, 2008. The day was nearing. I was excited. I told him that i will leave my office early so that i can spend time with him. He sounded happy. but some times we used to fight. We used to fight on some silly things. But love was present all along.

But things changed. It was one Saturday. I called him and he told,”Hey, I don’t think am ready for this. I need some time.” I was shocked .. what he is talking about. now when i am prepared for him.. why he  need time…  I replied him,”Ok, fine take your own time.”

That day we didn’t talk much . Next i called him. I never expected this from him. He told,”Hey, i am in love with someone else. I thought it will work out. But it is not.” I asked him about the time? He told that he had already decided. it can’t be changed. So he wanted to go away from my life. I asked only once why ? His answer sounds floating.  I didn’t ask any more thing.

Today, On 28th August 2008, for the first time i met him at. chennai central. He was waiting at plat form number 8.I went there from office. He was the same rather i felt that i was behaving very sweet with him. Again he took the topic. I told him not to say anything.  He had to get  some other train. So before that we had our dinner together. After that we went  for the next train.

He got in the train. The train was suppose to leave at 8.10PM from plat form number 1. So we reached there in time. it was only 7.42 pm. He was carrying three bags. We got in the train , put all the bags properly.  Now it was time for me  to go away. I got down from the train.

I was unable to control myself. Asked him, “Subho, do you love some one else??” Subho,”Yes….i am in love with some one else”. After a pause i told him,”All the best….” I didn’t ask the name. Don’t wanna  ask others name. He replied. He also told that he even don’t know whether the other person loves him or not. But he is in love with that person. I had no other words to tell him. I was thinking about myself. I was so excited about him. I was waiting for this day. but never expected to get the day like this way. I was  thinking all the things. All the past present, and future.

He started to say some thing,”Hey,  i understand your situation. But there’s a small request for you. Please, don’t think bad for me and to soul mate. We can still be friends.”. This time he hurt me. How come i think bad for some one whom i like. I will be happy if he s happy. He asked to go back to office. I told don’t worry. Then he all got up in the train.I was standing at the same place. I was standing there alone and was seeing him through the window. Then after five minutes we came down. “Why you are standing here still. you must be getting late for office!” He told with some kind of disgusting feelings. I replied,”That’s my office don’t worry i will manage”. “No, if you can’t hurt me while standing here. Please, go from here. Please……” He told with putting both of the hands together. I started from the office. He took my hand in his hand and he also started to walk a bit. Then i told,”Take care of your self”..while hugging him….  And  left  the station.

My Subho…left me….. we got separated. he went away from me……Some where for better life for better soul mate……………………….

But you didn’t give me time….  I liked  you… You didn’t understand…………..  Be happy my dear SUBHO..

Feel in love with the song and beats and the meaning is quite different.  Enjoy this famous Malayalam Song.


Entammede jimikki kammal –

Entappan kattondu poye

Entappante brandy kuppi

Entamma kudichu theerthe



My mother’s Jimikki Kammal(a type of earring)

Was stolen by my father

Was emptied by my mother

My father’s Brandy bottle




Ividoru chakarayum

Velakaleem othu vannapol

Chilarude thorthu keeri Poya karyam orthupokave

Alakale kattine nee Kaathu kuthan paadu pedenda

Sadhachara senapathi veera




Here, when a shoal of fish and

Game came together

Thinking about the time when somebody’s towel got torn off

Shores, don’t stress yourself to pierce the ear of the wind

Moral brave commander

And obsessive lover




Chemmeen chadiyal muttolam

Pinnem chadiyal chattiyolam

Chumma oothaan nokkathe

Thayyam kalikkan nikkathe

Vattam chuttichorellam

Vatta poojyam polaaye

Vettam kaanaan kothiyaaye

Vettathirangan madiyaaye

Kalivesham poyeda

Ini vesham mareda

Malayaattoor palliyil oru Kurishum koda neram

Malapole vannathu

Elipole paanjeda

Channam pinnam chellam Mazha podikkunnu podiyoothakale.



Prawns jump till the knee

If it jumps again then it’s in the pot

Don’t try to intimidate me

Don’t waste time playing thayyam (it’s an artform like kathakali)

Those who gave me trouble

Became less important

Longing to see light

Too lazy to go out in the light

Tiredness from the game all gone

Now change your dress

Let’s offer a cross to “malayattoor” church

Something that came like the mountain

Went like a rat

Rain pouring down hard nearby.



I love the  way  they choreographed.

Have you ever felt that songs from different stories shouldn’t mingle! But why, it’s just music, it might be from different stories but at the end of the day they are just music. A sound from the soul and when they are sung they become more soulful. My affection is something which I can’t explain. It’s like two different songs from two different stories trying to mingle.

I keep on asking one question to myself, “Why, Why is he so good?”  I am seeing beyond faces, listening beyond words with increasing heart beats yet I was told to face the reality.

Like any other coward person I refused to face the situation and looked at KRISHNA for advice.

I asked him why is he doing this.  Am I just a toy for him to bring people in and take them away? I asked him questions, a lot of them. He just stood there and smiled. Why Krishna, Why are you so stone like? I am pissed with you, KRISHNA …

Hold on…

Are you telling me to be calm? Calm like the sea waves or like the wind, which are always there but can’t see their movements. Clever Krishna!!

Then make me sea waves or make me the wind. Invisibility is the answer I guess. Here I go.

“Invisibility mode on.”

They can’t see me. It’s true, but have they noticed that I am not around?

Oh Madhava! What’s this? Why he is not missing me? Take me with you! Take me to the ultimate peace.

What, you won’t take me with you as well? Then where will I go? How can I sing a song from different story? I am coward. I will not face it alone. Please take me.

Ohh!!! What are that shock and that bright light? I see people with musk on. They look all busy trying to do something but I want to close my eyes. My life is fucked up! Another failed attempt I guess.

Enough I should get up now. It’s time to sing my song . Why can’t I move? Come on.. Hello, there people with musk on help me. I am unable to move!!

Ohh.. Wait, what are you doing all those things! I am alive. I am here. Why are you not looking at me? Why can’t I move? Let me go. It’s paining now. Why can’t you hear me?


Am I really………………….


Whenever I have asked someone to describe what love is, everybody gave very beautiful descriptions! They said , “love is pure”, “ love is divine”!

I showed them this painting of mine and asked what did they see?  They said a boy and a girl in love! I replied them they are lovers.

I have not labeled them.  It really doesn’t matter if they are male, female or transgender. They are in love and they look very peaceful. I am not boosting just because it is my painting. Can you tell me, “will the definition of love be different if it is between two guys or two girls!”

The way you love  your partner they also love the same way! Then why is this discrimination! You fight for your love, You run away with your partner if your family doesn’t support! So, you know the values of love. Then why do you hate! Where they would ran away if you don’t support love! You are everywhere and you have to stand by them for their love!!

Painting 1

Another beautiful song from the movie ” Jaatishwar“.

E tumi kemon tumi chokher taray ayna dhoro
E kemon kanna tumi amay jokhon ador koro

E tumi kemon tumi chokher taray ayna dhoro
E kemon kanna tumi amay jokhon ador koro

Janmer ageo janmo poreo janmo tumi emon
Shurero gobhir shure podabolir dhoron jemon

Janmer ageo janmo poreo janmo tumi emon
Shurero gobhir shure podabolir dhoron jemon

Kotha noy nirobotay sojolotar akhor voro
E kemon kanna tumi amay jokhon ador koro

E tumi kemon tumi chokher taray ayna dhoro
E kemon kanna tumi amay jokhon ador koro

Dkhechi ageo ami jokhon tumi poddaboti
Kobekar punthir sholok tomar motoi ashrumoti

Esechi ageo ami jokhon tumi poddaboti
Kobekar punthir sholok tomar motoi ashrumoti

Ashrur ekti fotay jonmo amar amar moron
Nirobe Jatishwarer golpo bola tomar dhoron

Ashrur ekti fotay jonmo amar amar moron
Nirobe Jatishwarer golpo bola tomar dhoron

Jhorecho brishti hoye ageo tumi abar jhoro
E kemon kanna tumi amay jokhon ador koro
E tumi kemon tumi chokher taray ayna dhoro
E kemon kanna tumi amay jokhon ador koro

E tumi kemon tumi chokher taray ayna dhoro
E kemon kanna tumi amay jokhon ador koro





English Translation:


This you, how is this you, bearing mirror in your iris
How are these tears, when you love me

This you, how is this you, bearing mirror in your iris
How are these tears, when you love me

( Yes, this is you. When I look at you I can see myself in your eyes! When you love me tears come out, how is that?)


Even before and after this birth, you are that life
like the deepest melodies of ancient poems

Even before and after this birth, you are that life
like the deepest melodies of ancient poems

( Ancient poems have deepest meaning and sometimes it seems like they are  infinite. You are like an ancient poem. You are from previous birth and you will be in the next birth)
Not with words, but with silence, drips your language
How are these tears, when you love me…

(Even with the silence you can a lot of thing.When you love me tears come out, how is that?)

This you, how is this you, bearing mirror in your iris
How are these tears, when you love me…

( Yes, this is you. When I look at you I can see myself in your eyes! When you love me tears come out, how is that?)

I have seen earlier too, when you were Paddavati,
And long forgotten scripts are tearful, just like you

I have come earlier too, when you were Paddavati,
And long forgotten scripts are tearful, just like you


In a drop of tear lie my birth and my death
In your way silently telling the story of the reincarnation

You have rained down earlier, rain down once again
How are these tears when you love me


This you, how is this you, bearing mirror in your iris
How are these tears, when you love me

This you, how is this you, bearing mirror in your iris
How are these tears, when you love me

( Yes, this is you. When I look at you I can see myself  in your eyes! When you love me tears come out, how is that?)

It’s a realization when we cross a long distance and get a glimpse of our good old days. Heart’s desire is to go back to those days surrounded by the best friends.


A group of college students became close friends. Started hanging out together. It was one of a kind. Everyone else started to think what a funny group  always engaged in themselves. The group also opened arms for another student to be part of them. Got the privilege to be the shoulder to lean on. It was a moment when felt love. Never meant to make it mine. Wanted her to be happy, very happy actually. Never expressed the feeling. Came to know what love is once it was gone.  It’s a realization what love is or what love can be.


How to know if bunking class is good unless classes are bunked! It’s a realization when we miss those long hours of discussion, lunch sharing and the shadows of mango tree next to the big pond. The sounds of electric guitar in college music fest seemed unbearable then but now heart wants to stand in the front row but where is the college fest. Realization of small fights came after the laugh. Laughing together for silly reasons, running across the field like a child was really fun. It’s a realization that childhood can be awesome with awesome friends.


All the friends are in different places. A get together takes years to plan. It’s a realization that life goes on no matter what. Yes heart always wants to be surrounded by those best friends. No matter what this won’t fed in memory. Will always remember and love.