Aditya chatterjee's Weblog

Posts Tagged ‘committment

Love….

Whenever I have asked someone to describe what love is, everybody gave very beautiful descriptions! They said , “love is pure”, “ love is divine”!

I showed them this painting of mine and asked what did they see?  They said a boy and a girl in love! I replied them they are lovers.

I have not labeled them.  It really doesn’t matter if they are male, female or transgender. They are in love and they look very peaceful. I am not boosting just because it is my painting. Can you tell me, “will the definition of love be different if it is between two guys or two girls!”

The way you love  your partner they also love the same way! Then why is this discrimination! You fight for your love, You run away with your partner if your family doesn’t support! So, you know the values of love. Then why do you hate! Where they would ran away if you don’t support love! You are everywhere and you have to stand by them for their love!!

Painting 1

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Can we really forget our first love?? I don’t know people might say that yes, it would be better option. I some times also believed the same. But how I can forget the first love…

We broke up back in 2008, April. I last saw him back in Feb, 2008. After that till today I haven’t seen him don’t know whether I can see him ever or not. Our love story started over phone and also got over phone. Isn’t a very sweet thing? He completely took himself out of my life. No phone call, no mail nothing for almost a very long time. It the same year, 2008. His birthday was on Sep, 18th. I called him to wish him in spite of every thing. He was asleep, didn’t recognize my voice. But I wished him holding my tears back. We never came back to the same form of talking. Some times just calls that also only when needed. ‘Hi’, ‘Hello’ and then the subject, nothing more than that. When we broke up he promised me that he will never see me if I ever try to talk about relationship. So I never talked about our past. It was unspoken. I was trying to move on. Didn’t know whether one year was enough or not.

Back in March, 2009 I met Prakash.  I liked him as well. I fell in love with him. We became committed to each other in a relationship. A new love story started in my life. A fresh beginning.

Every thing was fine but one day some time in 2010 I talked to Prasanth. Didn’t know what happen to me I got emotional. I told him that though I was not allowed to say him that I loved him. But I told him that I still respected him by the same way and I would still count myself as his well wisher. I told him till this date whenever I think about first love he comes in my mind. I didn’t know whether he was shocked or surprised. He told, “Yes, Even when ever I think about love you come in my mind. I told everyone about you. I know there is no point saying sorry for what ever I did to you.”  I was speechless. I was waiting for those words from him for a long time and today he is saying. I told him that it was too late for that sorry.

I told him it was too late but inside I was happy because he missed me. He realized that I loved him, loved a lot. Whenever Prakash and me talked about my previous love life he used to ask me, “Would you accept him if he comes back”. I always used to reply ‘NO’ with a great ease but why I am feeling for it? Why? What is past, what no more exists or should not exist? Why? Why I am thinking?

At last I Closed my eyes to realize things around me….

I saw myself back in 2008. I was searching for new job with my broken heart. Nothing was going fine. Every thing was just messed up. I also behaved like walking and talking Zombie. Prasanth Stopped talking to me. He even shut me out of his life. Never received my call. I went to CMC .Thought of moving on but still was unable. All the songs that I used to listen brought back my tears…2008 passed…started 209 and it started with new hope..2009 March. Got new life… 2010…things are fine. Then all of sudden saw Prasanth as if he is asking me to come back in his life.

I saw Prakash too. When I needed some one Prakash came and stood by me. He gave me his love. Made me close to his family. Whatever Prasanth was unable to give me everything Prakash gave. I might sound selfish but I am not comparing them. Now I can’t leave him. I can’t let the same thing happened with Prakash what I faced. I can’t become Prasanth. I am who I am with all my emotions alive.

I opened my eyes. Realized that the phone is ringing. Took the phone in my hand. Saw Prakash and my self. My realization came into life. I never thought that moving on would be that tough but at least now am sure that I am ready to move on and rather I have already moved on. It was just a rush of my emotions. That was my past and I am going to make peace with my past.

I love you…. Will love you forever……

Aditya, what you think, haven’t I done the justice with my past. I know you would understand. Thanks for listening…

Your Friend.

18th December, 2007

Kolkata

Today we might be far away from each other but still my heart beats for you. It’s you and only you who ever let me think about myself. Whenever I saw you I thought what I should do so that you can think of me. I know the time has gone. Now you belong to someone else but my heart doesn’t want to accept the truth. Today is the day when everyone is celebrating but I am in tears. I am not able to celebrate it.

Do you remember all those days I spent with you? May be not as a perfect lover but I tried to be there as your friend.

Do you remember all those afternoons we spent together while talking? Those were very special moments for me. I tried to get your complete attention. It was only you and me. Walking alone on the way. The scorching sun or flooding rain was just a reason to come under the single umbrella. Those days I left my umbrella at home. I believed that you would be there to bring the umbrella.

Do you remember all those college festivals? Those were wonderful moments. You were the most gorgeous girl. You looked at me avoiding hundred eyes those were waiting for your one single signal. I felt so lucky and thankful to GOD. I was almost at cloud nine when you came and hold my hand in front of every one.

Do you remember all those puja celebrations? The city of Joy looked more joyful when you were with me. We went to different places sometimes alone sometimes with other friends but all along enjoyed your company, all those giggling.  I never realized what all mighty wanted but everything got clear after you came to my life.

I never knew how much I loved you but I knew that it would be tough without you. Today after the college life when you have decided to live your life with someone else I got nothing to live with. I feel like I lost my life. Life is funny. Isn’t it? Now I have good job and prospect for my life but I lost the hope of my life. Tell me what should I do?? Should I go and attain your marriage or should I just forget the fact? I know I was your best friend in college days and we also had a very good chemistry but right now how I can be your friend? I loved you and I told you also. I wanted to live the same day in my life having you beside me.

I can’t cry because that will bring bad luck in your new life. I can’t celebrate the day because that will lead me to suffocation of death. I thought of killing myself but I am not so brave to leave my parents. But I am going. I am going far away from you. When you’ll get the letter I’ll be thousand miles away from you. I have decided to delete all my email address. Let me live a life where I have your memories. I love you, love you like a mad dog. Leaving you to your beloved husband who never can take my place. But still wishing you for your new life. Hope we will meet some where…………….

Just one request… Don’t forget me………..

Your Friend…..

Sudhir                   “

It was the next day morning of her marriage when the letter came to Sujata’s hand. The new morning in her new life but today somehow she’s not happy. She can’t hold her tears and can’t cry too. Her friend gave the letter to her and also gave the news that Sudhir is no more. Last night while going to the airport he met with an accident and died at the hospital. Sujata doesn’t know whether it is an accident or suicide. Sudhir was way beyond her understanding all along and he’ll be..

Life has given her a lot of experiences and today she is lost

Rules

Posted on: February 5, 2010

People make rules for their own benefits. Those rules are not supposed to be followed. Let me take you through those rules. Right now I have a few one. Hopefully I can get some more rules.

Our first rule created by Mr X . A 28 years old an Indian guy who claims to be bisexual. His rule was about commitment. He told that he was sexually committed to someone. In India no one must have ever heard that there can be a sexual commitment. According to him, he was not in love but in making love, no commitments just for sexual heal. When he was asked whether he would accept the offer from someone else to sleep with him, his reply was also different. He said no for any unknown person but for someone known to him, he might say yes. He also mentioned the feeling factor. So one of his friend suppose Y who was familiar to X asked for sex. The reply from X was,”I am not mentally ready for that now. If my animal brain kicks me and u badly needs me. So answer is completely situation dependent”.  A big question mark appeared when X used the word animal part of his brain. As a justification of his animal part of brain X explained that he needed it without any human values just like an animal.

Here X was completely confused and also mixed his ‘feelings’ and ‘kick of the animal part of his brain’. He ended up saying that everything depends on his mood, his decision and the consequence

So here goes the rule (not suppose to follow) number 1 : You can also be sexually committed without the mental commitment.

Our next rule is for Limitation. Mr A and Mr. K are friends as well as gay. They know each other for very short span of time. Mr. A is committed in relationship with someone else and K agreed with that. At the beginning K told that he will remember his limitations and they will remain as normal friends. Here the rule comes.

Once both met  at some common place and K gave a ride to A back to his home. On the way it was cold and the road was empty.  A could have hugged K from back but he didn’t he just crossed his arms around his chest to warm himself up. After reaching to A’s house K just left for the day.

After a few days during conversation K told to A that he should have hugged K from back to keep them warm. The conversation started and went on. In between K expressed that he believes in open relationship. K told to A that he would like to hug and Kiss A while staying within the limit. So what exactly K thought the limit was. He wanted to hug and kiss his friend some where alone. Wasn’t that crossing the limitation? K might have thought of giving a try by kissing his friend or may be he wanted something else by just increasing the limit.

In mathematics limit is without any limitation and we have taken that literally. We can change or increase our limit when we want

So here goes the rule(not suppose to follow) number 2: To do what you are not supposed to, you can always increase your limit.